Who is this crazy bitch?

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Pennsylvania, United States
My name is Laura. I'm 26-years-old. I love cats and books and Asian ball-jointed dolls. I'm a nerd and I'm happily married to an equally nerdy husband. I'm 5'5" and weigh about 235/40. I have brown hair, bullshit brown eyes, and freckles. I also got a big ass, thick thighs, tubby fingers and toes, flabby arms, a round belly full of good food, and chipmunk cheeks that haven't gone away since I was 5. I will be buried with them, I am sure.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I heart Jen Lancaster!

To be a proper nerd, you must love to read. It doesn't matter if it's comics or manga or young adult novels or instruction manuals. I take three out of the four subjects, btw.

Reading is always different between each person. With me, I like to think of it more as an experience. When I read a book, the book EATS ME. Literally. I can't concentrate on anything when reading. If someone calls my name, I won't hear it. My ears hear what's being said on the pages before me. Hell, even the pages don't register.

When I get deep enough into a novel, I'm not sitting on my couch/laying on my bed/in my work break room- I'm *there*. I'm in the forest following the fairy trail. I'm riding along in the car, listening to two friends bicker over their favorite band. I'm in China alongside a woman debating if she wants to adopt a baby (That book? SUCKED HARDCORE).

So when I get a reading kick, it's a giant fuckin' kick. A year ago it was fantasy YA novels. Sporatically here and there, I'll read ten manga volumes in a row. I'm obsessed with memoirs right now. Have been for the past few months. It all started with an innocent book titled Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster.

Skimming the back cover, I found myself kind of interested, but not ready to read it. Until I read this line:

In other words, the bitch had it coming.

I barked out a laugh that startled the customer next to me. I had quickly apologize and immediately went into the back room to spend the last half hour of my lunch devouring as much of the book as I can.

She is HILARIOUS. In a "Wow, I would NEVER have the balls to say what you just said, but then again, maybe it wouldn't be so good to say that anyway. >__>;;" way. She feels like one of my friends who doesn't know when to shut up. HELL, she sounds like ME when I don't know how to shut up. Fer instance:

Me: Mrow!
Co-worker (Let's call her Anna) : ...? Did you just meow at me?
Me: *chesire grin* Meow!
Anna: ...Ooookay.
Me: What? Don't you meow on a daily basis? Everyone does. Don't you want to be like everyone?
Anna: Not if they're meowing.
Me: Pfft! Then, obviously, you're missing out. Also, your face.

>_________________< Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Until recently, more than half of my conversations would end with "your face".

(Hey, wanna quickly say, I may be happy with myself and proud of who I am, but when it comes to conversations 'n at, I may not have all my crayons, if you catch my drift.)

Ah, fuck, was about to go off topic about my terrible conversations skills that I will probably never be able to truly develop because somewhere in my mind I think I'm funny and witty when I reply to a serious moment with "Well, your face." and then am puzzled as to why no one really likes to have conversations with the little tubby gal anymore...

So, yeah, back to Lancaster. I have NO idea how she managed to get not one, two, or even three but SIX books published. What she writes isn't exactly earth shattering or even all that insightful. Perhaps it's because the material's not insanely insightful. Maybe because she's kinda like the rest of us (lazy, self-absorbed, falliable... I think I'm using that last word right...) that we wanna keep hearing what she has to say.

Plus it's damn funny.

When you can point and laugh at yourself, then usually you have a pretty good sens- OMFG I CAN'T TYPE WORTH SHIT WHEN IT'S 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING. Here! Here! I'll show you! From this point forward I will NOT edit what I'm typing at my 60-70 GWAM a minute with no real sleep and my paranoia on the rise (Mike's out of town 'til 3 am and I'm throughly afraid that some dude's gonna come kamikaze-ing out of a window and stab me in the face. IN. THE. FACE.)

Anyway, wereh was I? Oh, right, so if you can lagugh at yourself then I think tyou that you havea pretty good sense of humor which means that you'll probably garter a lot of people who'll laugha long with you.

I'm not ususally one to go on aoobiovhs (Okay, that was me hitting the keys really hard) to go on book signigns or tours or whatnot, but I wouldn't mind going to one of hers. it seems like it's be IT'D be super fun times! :D I'm reading My Fair Lazy right nwo, and apparently some of it has '80s theme or whatnot?

Also the nice lady over at Epbot aka cake Wrecks seems liek she'd be nice to check otu with too. :D She even posted up my wedding pics!! I sahall link you to them!

You have to make a guestbook, but trust me, it's wroth it. This super awesome nice guy naemed Terry Clark photographed out wedding. I LOVE HIM. he was s omuch fun to work with that I really wished we could'vve told teh DJ to screw himself and took more pics.

Serisouly, guys? NEVER EVER hire Gordon Slaegal if you're in PA. He sucks, will play the wrong songs, will play anniversary songs without YOU in it, and over all rushes everything .D: Unhappy bride I was with him.

And now I'm gong to go to bed and wait for the invevibtablgdsakj;hreuioghjaerio;gf j;ahaj;je